


Thedas Broadcasting Station presents Date Night

by orphan_account



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Boys Kissing, Dating, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Everyone Thinks They're Together, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Game Shows, Like sickening amounts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 01:34:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3271895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sera, Varric, and Blackwall enter Dorian and Cullen into a couple's game show with the promise of a cash prize AKA Cullen and Dorian have been dating this entire time but just didn't know it.</p><p>Based off a prompt I got on Tumblr: "WAIT. Imagine a Modern AU where someone (Varric, Leliana, his older sister, etc) enters Cullen & Dorian onto one of those cheesy couples shows where they answer questions about each other or do stupid couples exercises because they're sick of how nauseatingly cute the two are and want to bug them. Only they ace the show and come out of it even more sickeningly in love and adorable."</p><p>Changed things a little bit, but I promise you it involves a game show and nauseating amounts of fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thedas Broadcasting Station presents Date Night

**Author's Note:**

> This happened by accident. I can't even defend myself against. It just. I'm. This is nauseating with how much fluff I packed into it. I also have no idea how game shows work apparently so I subjected myself to an entire episode The Newlywed Show and well that was an experience. I also totally just made stuff up.
> 
> Consider this universe a mash-up of ours and the Dragon Age world, I guess. Those are always fun B)
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy and lemme know if you like it!
> 
> (P.S I wrote this in the little ask box reply thing on Tumblr, so if you catch any glaring mistakes please let me know! I won't be offended- I will be relieved.)

“No, this is ridiculous,” Cullen says, looking over the letter in his hand with disdain. Printed neatly underneath the Thedas Broadcasting Station logo was a block of text that congratulated him and one ‘Mr. Dorian Pavus’ on participating in their new reality show, mixed in of course with a bunch of legal jargon that Cullen really would’ve preferred to not bother himself with. He’d have to get Josephine or Leliana to look it over. Make sure he wasn’t selling his soul or car or whatever.

He sighs into the phone at the sound of Seras tittering from the other end. Cullen resolved that if he survived this, he was going to positively end Sera, Varric, and Blackwall.

“Oh lighten up, Cully Wully-”

“Don’t call me that,” he cuts Sera off sharply.

“Okay, lighten up Cullen,” Sera emphasizes, though it sounds far from sincere. “Dorian said he’d be down for it, and there’s a big ol’ cash prize at the end! Didn’t you say you needed help covering next month’s rent? So we just did you a favor!” He hears a muffled snort in the background and grimaces. “Just give it a try!”

Cullen rubs at his temples with his free hand and closes his eyes. He tries to think his way out of this situation, but all he can envision is the notice of eviction between the thick fingers of his stodgy landlord.

“What kind of cash prize?” He ventures, cracking open an eye. Cullen can feel the beginnings of a headache at bay as he listens to chattering over the phone.

There’s a pause before Sera answers, “Like fifty grand or something.”

Cullen’s eyes pop open at the number. Surely television studios had something better to do with that kind of money than give it away to contestants on a b-list gameshow. He sighs his defeat.

“Fine, tell Dorian I’ll pick him up in an hour.”

“Don’t have to. He knew you’d come- just like the good boyfriend he is!” Sera snorts.

“He’s not- we’re not-” Cullen splutters, but before he can finish, the line goes dead. “He’s not my boyfriend,” Cullen grumbles to his empty apartment before tossing his phone on the couch.

-

“So we just have to pretend to be a couple?” Cullen asks. Dorian thunks his head on the car door window like an impatient child.

“Is this really that difficult of a concept for you to grasp? We’ve been sitting here for twelve minutes, Cullen. They’re going to start without us.”

“No? Yes. No. It’s not. I’m just-” Cullen runs a hand through his hair before leaning back. “I’ve never been in a relationship before, Dorian.”

Dorian swivels his head away from the window to give Cullen a pointed look, eyeliner especially sharp today. “And just who do you think you’re talking to?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Cullen amends. One of their many drunken conversations plays back in his mind. His shoulders slump and Dorian softens his glare. He reaches to turn Cullen’s face towards him.

“Look, we’re both absolute shit in this department, so we might as well be absolute shit together. Or, well, pretend to be at least.”

This elicits a laugh from Cullen who instinctively wraps his fingers around Dorian’s wrist, thumb rubbing small circles on the smooth skin.

“You could lead armies with that kind of rousing speech.”

Dorian smiles and Cullen feels a promise in it.

“Me on a battlefield?” he exclaims with great exaggeration. “Perish the thought. I’d never go somewhere so filthy or with so few hygienic resources.”

Cullen snorts and they pull away. “Okay, let’s go.”

“Inside?” Dorian mocks him. Cullen nods. “Fucking finally. I thought I’d have to drive you to the emergency room before I manage to drag you in there.”

“You know me so well,” Cullen grins as he gets out of the car, stretching his stiff limbs above his head. He feels an arm snake around his waist, pulling him in close, and he awkwardly throws his own arm around Dorian’s shoulders. He thinks that’s how it’s supposed to go, right?

“Yes, well, we are dating apparently.”

Cullen swallows down the bundle of tightly wound nerves in his chest and lets himself lean into the touch.. “Yes, I suppose we are…”

He frowns as he realizes he has the strangest urge to nuzzle his face in Dorian’s hair.

-

The format of the show itself is fairly straightforward. Four couples compete against one another through a series of rounds where they answers questions about what they think their partner would say, racking up points for each correct one.

The overly cheery host introduces each couple as they walk out on stage, and they range from a happy pair of dwarves to a Qunari and an elf to another pair of humans. When Cullen and Dorian walk out, he just knows that Sera, Varric, and Blackwall are out there somewhere in the crowd, red in the face with laughter.

The only thing keep Cullen grounded is Dorian’s arm looped through his own, the man’s smirk dazzling and effortlessly charming as he waves to the crowd while Cullen merely follows with a forced smile.

The first round has Cullen situated out on stage with a markerboard in hand and three other contestants, Dorian waiting in the back. The questions themselves are simple enough in the first round. Things about bad habits (ceaseless monologuing), guilty pleasures (terrible paperback novels from grocery stores), and the place they first met (Josephine’s apartment). Cullen scribbles down his answers with ease and waits for the other halves of the couples to rejoin them on stage.

Dorian cracks some joke about how he has no bad habits that throws the audience into laughter, no doubt charming them, and Cullen feels a smug kind of pride in it. They don’t nail all of the questions entirely, but they have a pretty good stronghold on second place. He throws an arm over Dorian’s shoulder and smirks- though it doesn’t last very long when the host tries to goad them into sharing a kiss to celebrate.

Cullen all but dissolves into the seat at the suggestion, but Dorian leans in and pecks his lips, quick enough to cover for Cullen’s sudden inability to move. He runs a thumb over the scar on Cullen’s lip before drawing away.

Dorian laughs loudly, turning back towards the crowd. “You’ll have to excuse him, he’s terribly camera shy.” The crowd lets out a sickeningly sweet chorus of ‘awws’ that make Cullen want to vomit. And if he knows Dorian, he’s sure he feels the same way underneath all that charm and perfectly coiffed hair.

Cullen pulls away, face no doubt reddened, and is eternally thankful when he’s sent backstage to let Dorian commence his round of answering questions. As he waits, he runs his tongue over his bottom lip, trying to taste something that isn’t there.

-

The stakes are raised just slightly in the second round and as a result the questions probe deeper. When Cullen rejoins Dorian on stage, he’s forced to describe their favorite sexual position and as a result, he ends up borrowing some crazy sexual escapade that Dorian had drunkenly relayed to him one time. Though instead of some random man at a bar, Cullen was forced to insert himself into the story as if he were the one with his arms tied to the bedpost. He fidgets under Dorian’s scrutinizing gaze, that damned smirk always attached to his lips.

Not surprisingly they don’t get it entirely right, but manage to scrape up a few points regardless- if only for the humorous anecdote that Cullen hadn’t even really been a part of.

The last question of the round takes Cullen by surprise with how seemingly innocuous it is. He’s asked to describe what Dorian’s favorite physical and emotional trait about him is. Cullen doesn’t consider himself much of anything really, so he sheepishly rubs at the back of his head when its his turn to answer. A hazy memory resurfaces of Dorian mentioning one thing or another.

“I’d say… my smile?” Maker, he feels so conceited answering things like this. “And I’m… hardworking?” By the way the audience is snickering, he feels he’s certainly off.

“And your answers, Dorian?” the host says.

Dorian holds up his markerboard with a grin.

“It seems he knows how lovely his smile is, but he’s always been modest about his finer traits. He’s a very thoughtful man,” Dorian all but preens for Cullen. He can feel the audience lean almost imperceptibly towards Dorian from their seats, hungry for his words. It was fascinating in a way how he held the crowd. “We met through a friend when I’d first moved here, and he was sincerely sweet. Offered to show me around town, took me out for coffee and lunch- though now I suspect I know why,” Dorian teases and Cullen ducks his head with a shy laugh.

The audience rustles with excitement and Cullen is amazed at how Dorian is able to shift the scope of his actions with just a few words. Cullen saw his friendly actions as simply that- something a friend would do- but now with Dorian offering a new perspective, even he can’t help but question himself.

“And of course, he never forgets my birthday,” Dorian adds which cinches the audience’s attention. He leaves the rest of the story untold as the host moves onto the next couple, but Cullen’s cheeks warm at the memory. He remembers standing there in Dorian’s doorway last year after he canceled his date. Cullen was drenched from head to toe with a soggy bouquet of flowers in hand that he’d intended for the poor girl he’d been set up with by Leliana. In the other arm he balanced a bottle of whiskey and a package of grocery store cupcakes.

It wasn’t anything great by any means, but when he realized that Dorian would be spending his birthday alone, Cullen had dropped everything else in his life. And if that night Dorian fell asleep on Cullen’s shoulder, some old episode of Star Trek playing in the background, he was more than content to pull up the blanket around them and stay there.

-

The second round ends with Dorian and Cullen pulling just barely into first against the dwarven couple. The host not-so-subtly hints that they should share another victory kiss and a small part of Cullen can’t say he would really object to the idea at this point, but having cameras and viewers watching leaves him stuck in his seat. Dorian squeezes his shoulder and pecks him on the cheek, again rescuing Cullen.

“We’ll save the big one for when we win,” he says with a wink at the host who giggles at Dorian’s determination before beginning the third round. Half are sent backstage again, though this time they too much write down answers. If the partner’s answers are not only correct but also match each other’s at all, they get double the points. Cullen scribbles down his answers without much thought until he reaches the second to last one.

“Does your partner believe in soulmates?”

Cullen’s marker stops. He frowns. All the drunken conversations he’d had with Dorian would lead him to the belief that, no, he doesn’t. In fact, Dorian doesn’t even seem like he believes in love most of the time. Which, given their current situation, is absolutely hilarious to Cullen. The host announces that they’re running out of time so Cullen quickly writes down an answer and hopes for the best.

In a surprising turn of events, the Qunari and elf couple jump up a few ranks from fourth place to second, putting pressure on the dwarven couple who somehow misread each other’s reactions to winning (Cullen put down that Dorian would suggest they get drunk. He was right).

When they reach the question that gave Cullen reason to pause, they’re neck and neck with the Qunari and elf couple. The host asks Dorian first.

“What an interesting question…” he says, tapping his chin in thought. “It certainly gave me something to think about. For all I like to play the sarcastic cynic, I am rather a sucker for such notions. I guess you could say that, yes, I do.” He glances over at Cullen with soft eyes that relax him the way a hot shower after a long day might, easing the tension and stress out of his muscles. “And you, my dear?”

Cullen nods before he finds his voice. “I knew you were a sap underneath all your complaining,” he says smugly, forgetting himself for a moment. “I’m glad we share a similar opinion, then.” He holds up his board at the same time Dorian holds up his, their answers matching. Cullen could kiss him right now. It’s only when the audience continues cooing that Cullen is forced to look away, grimacing again. Dorian laughs quick and sharp before pecking him on the cheek as the host makes some cheesy comment and moves on.

-

They don’t win. Cullen is still going to have to work long hours at the university and maybe take up a side job to scrape together enough money for next month’s rent. But he’s okay with that. He’s wonderfully, terribly okay with that. Because right now he’s pressing Dorian up against his shitty car and kissing him like he might suffocate if he doesn’t. Dorian responds eagerly in kind, grabbing Cullen by the sleeves of his shirt to pull him in closer, tighter; three years worth of their shared stupidity spilling between them.

“Vishante kaffas,” Dorian swears after they pull apart. Cullen is immeasurably proud that he’s managed to get the man so flustered. He stares with an openly lovestruck expression at Dorian and gives him a chaste peck of the lips, giggling when Dorian tries to follow him with his lips as he leans away. “And you say I’m a tease,” Dorian groans.

“And you say that you’re the clever one between us, yet here we are, three years late.”

“I was just waiting for you to catch up is all,” Dorian huffs. Cullen can hear his heart hammering in his chest, blood rushing like snow falling down the side of a mountain.

“Then I suppose we have a lot of catching up to do, don’t we?”

“I like the way you think,” Dorian growls, capturing Cullen’s lips in a deep kiss.

Cullen can hear Sera making gagging noises in the background and Varric and Blackwall exchanging money, but all he can do is laugh when he feels Dorian raise a hand to flip them off.

 

 


End file.
